How did I be a gay -3-

This is a continuation from last story “How did I be a gay” and “How did I be a gay -2-”.

After my coming out, I was changed.
I became a activist from a closet gay during summer.

I marched in Tokyo Pride with my friends.
Also, I joined 2 LGBT groups, and made a LGBT group at my university.
It was really really exciting summer.

Japan is still very cold to gay, so it’s not like Toronto to make a group easily.
We had a lot of problems when we made the new LGBT group.
However, I’m not going to talk about it now.

When I was having fun with my queer friends in the summer, my father was in a hospital.
I forgot him in the summer, actually, I didn’t take care about him.
Why? Because I really hated him so much. I know I was really bad.

One day in last September, my mother called me when I was taking class at my university.
She said my father’s condition was very bad, and he would die in a day.
I was really surprised and confused, I had a lot of emotions in my mind at that time.

I considered to tell him my sexuality or not.

If I told him, he might have a really bad last.
However, if I didn’t tell him, I couldn’t really think him as my father.

I thought a lot when I’m going to the hospital.

I still cannot forget the view when I got in the door of his room.

My father was changed completely.
He wasn’t dead, but he wasn’t alive either.

I couldn’t stand staying at the room, so I escaped.

That was the last time I saw him.

Therefore, I couldn’t tell him anything about me.
It’s still hurt me sometimes, and it will hurt me again and again until my last day.

I can just accept it include the pain now.

On the other hand, I succeded in come out to my mother.

It was this March, my mother asked me really seriously.

“What are you doing every weekend?”

Actually, I did a lot of activism this spring in Japan.
Thus, I stay over a few days at my friend’s house every week.
It made my mother really worried.

Also, I guess she saw some my stuff about gay in my room.

So I decided to tell her everything about me.

“Do you know why I didn’t like my dad?”

I started from this and told her about when I noticed I was gay, what my father told me, and what I’m doing now. I was crying and crying during the coming out, and so does she.

After my coming out, my mother said this.

“It’s your life. If you are happy, I will support you.”

That was magic word for me.
I got a lot of power from her word.

Therefore, she accepted me.

However, sometimes my mother is still a little bite confused.

The next day of my coming out, she asked me this.

“Can you make a kid with your lesbian friend?”

um,,,oh, my great mother.
It’s possible but I don’t feel like trying that now.

She is getting better and better now.

I guess she will be activist one day.

That’s all of my coming out story.
Thank you for reading my story.

I hope I give people who read this story some ideas.

-Meza

Reflections on bi-privilege – historically and personally

When I went to visit the places of the Holocaust in May 2007, one of the things I brought up when it came to discussing the role of gays during that horrific event was bisexual privilege and guilt. I mean, when you’re bi, there is often the ability to appear straight and live a relatively heterosexual life.

But as I walked around the concentration camps at Treblinka and Madajnek, I wondered, what if there was a non-Jewish woman like me who had feelings for a lesbian (Jewish or otherwise), but ended up hiding or abandoning them? What if she was forced to by friends and family to abandon a lover to avoid the concentration camps? She could reasonably do it and live out a hetero-nomative life, only with the knowledge that she had the choice while thousands of others did not.

To compare any part of my life to this kind of tragedy is futile and insensitive. I know that. But part of me couldn’t help thinking about it when I looked back how I reacted to the events of last week.

Without going into details, things with someone new didn’t work out. As I talked to friends about what happened, one of the things I (hastily) said was, “Maybe I should go back to just dating guys.”

Looking back, I know that statement was extremely short-sighted and unfair for a multitude of reasons. I mean, saying that was basically judging an entire community based on the few, short experiences I had in one city. And possibly rejecting them all despite it not being their fault. Prejudice, much?

Also, even if I wanted to follow through with such a statement, for one thing, my personal lifestyle has changed so much this year that I am reasonably sure I would not be able to ensure I would only fall in love with men the rest of my life.

1)I like going to places like Slack’s and Snatch too much (the dress code is easier than going to straight clubs).

2) I like attending queer events too much. (Pride Week was one of the best things I did this summer.)

3) And aside from both of those things, too many of my good friends now are also in the lesbian community. So even if I avoid the clubs and queer-specific events I’ll always want to see plenty of smart, pretty, sexy queer women regularly in my life anyway.

Saying stuff like “maybe I should go back to just dating guys” was stupid of me, because part of me realizes it’s the equivalent of saying “maybe I should just pretend I’m straight”.

I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts how I could do this, through dress or friends or various kinds of behaviour. But I realize I shouldn’t cut out an entire sex (not gender, because Judith Butler says that doesn’t exist) in dating because I momentarily perceive it to be more problematic than it’s worth.

Bottom line: problems in dating exist for everyone, no matter what sexual orientation. And being bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean I experience more problems than straight people or gay people. Just that I experience a bit of both. (And really, that doesn’t even compare to what the transgendered community has to deal with.)

So with that awareness in mind, I’m going to try and reform my thinking post-breakups. From now on it’s just going to be “maybe I should stop dating people who aren’t good enough for me.” And just leave sexual orientation out.

A final note: When it comes to the Holocaust, I discovered that little was recorded regarding the treatment of lesbians, and there were almost no personal accounts of bisexuals during that time. There are various reasons for this, but part of me will always wonder if there were bisexual guys and girls like me during that time with gay and lesbian friends who simply faded into heterosexual lives to survive and lived with the guilt on their own. For many, we’ll never really know.

posted by darcyhero

“I’m still Jenny from the block…”

“I miss being straight sometimes.”

My best friend laughs, “Excuse me?”

Danielle’s the only one in my hometown who knows I’m a dyke. Days before I am to leave to return to Toronto and start another school year, I am sprawled out across my bed with her on the other end of the phone, and thinking about how I don’t want to leave. I never thought I would see such a day.

“I guess what I mean is I miss it here.” It’s true. I didn’t come back last summer because I was overseas doing an internship. But by the time this summer rolled around, I was dirt, dirt poor and ‘forced’ to return to my parents’ house in the town where cow tipping is a joked-about past time, although I’ve never actually been close enough to a cow to even attempt tipping it over. I never expected it would be so hard to leave.

“Well, maybe if you didn’t come back like once every two years…” She retorts.

“I can’t help that my big city life is so glamorous!” Danielle snickers lightly, then the line goes silent for a moment. “No but seriously. Everyone became so much cooler than they were in high school. Like, you know, actual human beings. When did that happen?”

“While you were in Toronto, figuring out that you’re GAY… Seriously, come back more often.”

“I didn’t think I’d enjoy hanging out with Peter again.” Peter, who could generously be called my high school ‘boyfriend’, has now had a serious girlfriend for over a year, and is more of a man I ever imagined he’d turn out to be. We spent evenings in his backyard drinking, because the bars here don’t open Monday-Wednesday.

“What about Matty?” I can tell Danielle is grinning from the sound of her voice.

Matty had been in our class in elementary school, and I’d always remembered him for having a bowl cut and liking rubber spiders. Although now I will remember him for his hand on my thigh under the table when we all were sitting at a booth at Shaky’s diner for burgers.

It was strangely satisfying, and I’m coming to realise that it’s because I want to remain ‘straight’ here.

I’ve convinced myself no one here would accept me otherwise. But rumours of cow tipping aside, they’re not a bunch of redneck hicks. In the end, I’m the only reason I’m in the closet here. I fear it’s my own internal homophobia that keeps me in the closet.

I think the conversation ends with Danielle joking about me and Peter when we were in high school, or something about Sex and the City, or maybe it’s something about her sister… But I’m still thinking about Matty’s hand on my thigh, and what it means to still be straight in my hometown.

It’s the security of knowing I can “change my mind” and come back here and be straight as if the gay thing never happened.

If ever my gay life in the city, with the crazy roommates whom I love, in the broken down house in the annex that has grown on me, with my L Word DVDs and nights at Goodhandy’s, suddenly loses its appeal, there’s always the other option.

There’s always the prospect of a house and a husband and children and a mini-van and the cliché but obligatory white picket fence waiting for me here.

Posted by opheliathestrange

What “queer community”, paleface? (part 2)

First: read the part 1 of this article here.

Yeah, I’d love to have a real and functional “ queer community”. Or communities- as a reader pointed out in the comments. Part of me truly believes this is possible, and wants to make it happen. The other part of me understands “ why” things are the way they are.

I cringe every time I hear or read the words “queer community”. The word “community” is as significant for me as the string of words “ I love you”. I don’t say “I love you” to every person I meet, or to every person I like, or even to every person that I fuck. So, why should I consider total strangers part of my queer communities?

Moreover, “Community” ( just like “ I love you”) is being used carelessly by people. It’s easier to use one or three (strong) words instead of actually explaining what you mean. Also, strong words evoke strong feelings- and that is a very powerful tool to manipulate people.

What do I have in common with a 50 years old WASP gay cisgendered male? Probably nothing. Let’s face it: we share very little with each other besides being queer. We all have multiple identities, and belong to different “ groups” . Gender and sexuality may be just (smaller) aspects of our lives. Besides, the last thing I want is to be assimilated into some sort of homogenous queer mob(all right, maybe just during Pride week).

So, why do we still evoke some sort of prancy communal spirit? Why a “queer community”, paleface?

All right: for some of us, being queer (or/and trans) actually shapes our lives- where we live, work, play, what we like, how we dress, etc. But, this happens largely because we still experience oppression. It’s easier to lock ourselves up in a “queer bubble” than to get out of our comfort zones and (possibly) face discrimination.

That said: there is a difference between “fear of discrimination” and actual homo/ transphobia. Probably we all have experienced both. There is a subtle difference between living in the “queer bubble” and accessing “safe spaces”. It’s up to us to pop the bubble and do it safely.

Yes, it all sort of relates to oppression. Our shared struggles are not over yet, and we shouldn’t take our “victories” for granted (Please G*d, I’ll be an exemplary old-fashioned girl for a whole day , if the Tories lose). How could I dismiss the power of “community” when we still need it? And the “lack” of a stronger community, in this circumstance, actually enrages me.

No, I’m not talking about “ holier than thou” academic type of activism. This sort of rancid activism is highly exclusionary (or patronizing) and counterproductive. For some of us, just conscientiously living our lives to the fullest is a much more practical form of activism.

Shall we cross-out “queer community”and “ activism”from our vocabulary?Instead, let’s use “ queer bubble” (or ghetto, if you want to be an un-PC radical) and “ consciousness”.That would solve half of our problems.

Seriously. I guess I should rewrite my wish-list for our ideal “queer bubble”:
-On a micro/personal- level: posses are fine. Some sort of individual consciousness wouldn’t hurt. It’s up to each one of us to get out of the “queer bubble”, and (also) claim our space inside it.
-On amacro/group level: more connections between different posses. Shift in activism “standards”.Recognition of diversity inside the “queer bubble”. Safety inside queer spaces is a must. And more anti-oppression awareness would be nice too.

When these things happen, I will proudly use the expression “ queer community” again.

Luka ” I’ll be an exemplary old-fashioned girl for a whole day , if the Tories lose” Sidaravi.

Trans Webcomics? huh?

(Note: to see the images in full size, just click on them)

Well, it’s one of those special times for me that pretty much every transwoman goes through. Suddenly we feel like we’re growing in to this fat, hairy blob of man that crashes through buildings shouting “Don’t look at me!”. It’s all in our heads, but it’s a shitty thing to deal with that can be set off by nothing at all. Walking down the street and seeing a girl, talking to another transwoman friend, seeing an ad…all set something off and we go in to this poor self-esteem thing. I find it weird that we have enough bravery to face our confusions head on and do something about it but when we see a woman with a 26” waist be incredibly happy, our day is ruined.

It’s times like this where I like to look at the lighter side of being trans. Where I can laugh a little about what I’m going through as well as empathize with a character. It’s times like this where I open up my “bookmarks” folder in firefox and pull out the trans webcomics I have listed.

Trans webcomics are one of the few things out there that not many people know about. There’s a couple of reasons for that. The big one is that there are only maybe a dozen or so out there whereas the GLB comics are almost infinite (see Prism Comics at www.prismcomics.org for some great LGBT comics). And even then only a few of that dozen are any good. The other reason is that none of them advertise on any sites that aren’t other trans webcomic sites. I had to search for a good long while before I found one and their links page provided a good list to go through. Another kind of crummy thing is that only two or three do any updates anymore. It’s understandable though, since they all do this for free and have lives to live and bills to pay.

Here’s a list of a couple of good trans web comics:

Venus Envy (http://venusenvy.comicgenesis.com/) One of the most well-drawn trans comics out there. Creator Erin Lindsey is currently back from about a year’s hiatus and is posting semi-regularly. This is by far my favorite trans web comic out there. Lots of laughs, tears, and “hey, I feel like that too!” moments.

Transe-Generation (http://www.transe-generation.com/) I always manage to have a good laugh while going through the archives of Matt Nishi’s comic. He updates usually once a week. Some good lines Like: “Why do you want to lose your penis?” “because I don’t want to be a dick like you.”. The strips can be pretty hit and miss, but it’s still good.

Closet Space (http://www.dolari.org/cs/) I’ll be honest…I’m really not a fan of this comic for several reasons that I won’t bring up here. The only reason I’m mentioning this one is because the creator Jenn Dolari started up the Trans Webcomic Day Of Remembrance (http://www.dolari.org/dor/) which every year brings together web comic creators of all kinds (not just trans) to create a strip under whatever theme she decides. Like the Day Of Remembrance itself, it’s not full of laughter, sunshine and happiness. Just respectful contemplation

Lean On Me (http://jadaze.comicgenesis.com) One of the oldest trans web comics I’ve been able to find. It’s a pretty cute little comic from what I’ve read.

Second Stage (http://secondstage.comicgenesis.com) No longer running, but the archives are great to go through. Has some pretty funny nerdy jokes in it.

Grey Matters (http://greymatters.comicgenesis.com) Creator Loren Coven has taken to drawing her characters naked whilst on a hiatus, but the archives are always fun to sift through.

My Life in Blue (http://mylifeinblue.comicgenesis.com) Well drawn, well written. All in all a beautiful comic with very dry humor that is sure to get a smile from you. Updates are pretty irregular.

Hopefully I’ve turned you on to what I think are some pretty nifty webcomics. And hey, you don’t have to be trans to enjoy them! In some of them the writing is fairly universal and being trans turns into barely a secondary thing (which is how I like it with trans-related stories).

Take care,

Lenore

Audre Lorde, I love you.

Do you know who Audre Lorde is? She is awesomeness. I first heard of her from someone who said she was all the rage with lesbian intellects. Was busy at the time, a little turned off by how she was framed, and so filed her in the back of my mind. She came up again when reading some stuff by bell hooks, who referenced Lorde’s writings several times. “The master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house” – the framework of thought, language, socially acceptable behaviours, etc. will never break down the power structure that protects those who sit on the top tiers of society, because it is these people who developed, promoted and sanctioned them. I bought Sister Outsider (Essays & Speeches) from my local feminist bookstore, and upon completion declared my love for Audre Lorde.

Quickie biographical intro: Lorde (1934-92) has described herself as a “black, lesbian, mother, warrior, poet”. Her parents were Caribbean immigrants who settled in Harlem, NY. Lorde had two kids with her husband, later divorced and began a long-term partnership with a white woman. She completed a Master’s in library science at Columbia, and was New York State’s Poet Laureate for several years before her death. Lorde wrote poetry, prose and essays, was employed as the head librarian at NYC’s Town School Library and co-founded Kitchen Table, a publishing company for women of colour. She was openly a lesbian, as well as an activist, who raised her two children with her partner.

The following is one of my favourite passages. It is taken out of context yes, but I believe it can stand on its own. The blog format requires brevity.

For we have, built into all of us, old blueprints of expectation and response, old structures of oppression, and these must be altered at the same time as we alter the living conditions which are a result of those structures. The true focus of revolutionary change is never merely the oppressive situations which we seek to escape, but that piece of the oppressor which is planted deep within each of us, and which knows only the oppressors’ tactics, and only the oppressors’ relationships. (p.123)

This draws attention to socialization practices, and denaturalizes them. We need to look at our own “common sense” notions about the organization of people, the relationships we maintain and the divisions we support. We need to consider what foundations they rest on.  Here’s another one:

This jugular vein psychology is based on the fallacy that your assertion or affirmation of self is an attack upon my self – or that my defining myself will somehow prevent or retard your self-definition.  The supposition that one sex needs the other’s acquiescence in order to exist prevents both from moving together as self-defined persons toward a common goal. (p.51)

Though she is here talking about sexism in black communities, like all of her writings this can be applied broadly.  It reminds me of the conservative belief that same-sex marriage somehow devalues heterosexual marriage.  I think she is basically reworking the idea that you do not need to keep others beneath you, misrepresented and oppressed, in order to assert your own identity and value.

I just bought another Lorde book, Zami: A New Spelling of my Name, and I am terribly excited to read it.  By the way, I should mention that Sister Outsider is actually incredibly well-written, and so very accessible.  She doesn’t overcomplicate her ideas, and she’s very clear and concise.

Posted by April86

How did I be a gay. -2-

This is a continuation from last story “How did I be a gay”.

The last story was too sad and depressing.
So let me talk about a more happy story about me.

When I was 3rd year of university, I met 3 persons who affect me a lot.
That was really nice meeting.

The first person is a gay guy.
He is older than me like my father.
I met him on Japanese facebook “mixi”.

However, I didn’t tell him I was gay, when I met him.

He was a kind of “suger daddy” for me.
We have never had sex, yet he took care of me a lot.
Also, it was a first time I met a open gay.
The sad thing was what he didn’t know I was gay until last year, so I lied to him for a long time.
Not only him, also I lied to many of his friends.

The second person is a lesbian girl.
She is a student as a same university with me.
Also, I couldn’t tell her I was gay until last year.

I joined a activism event in 2006, and she heard I joined the event.
Therefore, she asked me am I gay at my university accidentally.
I was very upset when she asked me, and I said I was straight.
Actually, she had a very good “gayder”, yet she couldn’t find me gay for a year.

However, we became good friends.
And we made a LGBT group at our university.

The third person is the most important person in my life.

Actually, he is my professor.
However, I didn’t really take his classes.
Also, he was a new teacher, and he came to our university when I was 3rd year.

I was organized a student group at my university, and the professor usually helped me.
One day, I had a dinner with our group and the professor.

Next day of the dinner, I didn’t know why I couldn’t forget him.
I guess I fall in love at the night.

The professor’s major is sports and homosexuality.
I wondered he was a gay, and I could be more close to him.

Therefore, I spent all the time for getting close to him at my 4th year.
I had dinner with him once a week, and we talked about a lot of things.
It helped me to have a confidence, and I have a desire to be a open gay.

Last spring, I told him I was gay.

And he told me he is also gay.

That was the most fantastic moment in my life.
Also, it was my first coming out.
I didn’t think he was gay, so I was so suprised.

That’s why I came out.

If I didn’t meet the professor, I might still be a closet gay.

After that coming out, I came out to all of my friends, and it was last summer.

The gay guy and the lesbian girl were so supprised when I came out.
Also, some people were very angly to me because I lied to them.

However, they accept me finally.
And they are still my best friends.

So, this is my coming out story.

After this coming out, I joined queer groups, studied gay, queer and gender studies and did a lot of activism in Japan.
Also, I have told my mother I was gay, yet I couldn’t tell it to my father.

I’m going to talk about my coming out story to my parents next time.
I hope you are interested in my story.

Posted by Meza1985

“Queer Anthems” 2 – Your Submissions

Well, it’s been a couple of weeks since I asked you all to send me your songs that you feel are your personal queer anthems (as opposed to the discotheque divas belting out “I am who I am”) and you e-mailed me with some damn good songs and even better stories. Some of you just sent me song titles and although I tried, I was unable to find them through the usual means and ways. So if you can, please send me them to lelenorelee@gmail.com .

And now, here are the songs!

Coldplay – Viva La Vida

Jade writes: “Seems like somewhat of an obvious choice, but the symphonic sound coupled with the general expression of unvanquishability is my overall sentiment toward being queer. I once believed but now refuse to believe that being queer is a disability.”

_______

Six Pence None The Richer – There She Goes

Amy writes: “It’s ‘There she goes’ by Sixpence None the Richer. It came out in 99′, when I was in the 9th grade. I remember distinctly the first moment I heard the song; I was in the backseat of my family’s car, on some unimportant driving excursion. And I remember hearing the lyrics “There she goes, there she goes again. Chasing down my leg and I just can’t contain this feeling that remains.” And thinking “Is that a girl singing about another girl? About, having feelings…for…” and suddenly there was just the littlest of clicks and my 14 year old cheeks flushed with understanding. Because in that moment that song justified to me that maybe thinking about girls the way I did wasn’t something that I needed to keep all bottled up. Maybe I should be writing top 40 pop hit about it. And that’s that.“

_______

A Song For You by Leon Russell

Tom writes: “I’ve attached “A Song For You” by Leon Russell.  I think this is one of the most beautiful love songs ever written. So much so that a lover and I considered it “our song”. To this day, every time I hear the song I get butterflies in my stomach and possibly tears in my eyes.“

_______

AFI – The Days Of The Phoenix

Holly writes: “This song helped to get me through my final year of high school. I had spent grades 8 through 11 coming out to myself as bisexual, then to my friends and family, then my whole school, then coming out as a lesbian… and in grade 12 started to question my gender identity. Rather than searching for an anthem to help me come into myself as a person of trans experience, I turned my emotions inward and got caught up in darker and/or emotional music. It seems depressive, but it really helped me get through a hard time in my life. It put my feelings to words, allowed me to feel that my confusion had some substance and… in a sarcastically satisfying way it helped me feel like I wasn’t the one going crazy. “Days of the Phoenix” by AFI is the song that helped me get through it all the most, especially the lyrics “The teenage death boys, the teenage death girls, and everyone was dancing. Nothing could touch us then, no one could change us then, and everyone was dancing. Nothing could hurt us then, no one could see us then, and everyone was dancing.” This stood out in my mind because I went to an end-of-year dance for queer youth, and truly felt that this was a safe place for me, that I could fit in here and not be challenged, and that I would not be thrown into the limelight to become someone’s exotic spectacle. The overwhelming feeling I get when I hear these words–the same feeling of comfort and awe I got that night at the dance–is what allows me to truly feel that I belong as a part of the queer community.“

_______

Please send over your songs. Songs that don’t really have to be about queer subjects, but ones that you personally associate with being queer or coming to terms with yourself. It doesn’t matter what the writer/singer intended the song to be about, it’s what YOU think the song is about. e-mail me the song and a little story behind the song and what it means to you. I’ll post both (or just one if you wish) on here and we can get a really good collection of music going on that’s a bit more accurate towards this community. I’m expecting a very eclectic mix because frankly, all communities are eclectic.

e-mail me your songs at lelenorelee@gmail.com

-Lenore

GENDER WARS IN MAINSTREAM MUSIC

lelenorlee’s post regarding ‘Queer Anthems’ made me think back to an unsatisfied e-mail conversation I had with (who I thought to be) a really open-minded, “cool” professor of music. He had proved to the class that he was into a diverse range of music, and had taught a lecture on music which some may find controversial (Is Tammy Wynette’s “Stand By Your Man” meant to be ironic? Or is it just sad? …. etc.). It got me to thinking… mainstream male artists sell like crazy when they push the boundaries to empower themselves, but these boundaries still exist for women. Shouldn’t women give their voice and support female artists who stick it to the man? Or are most of us too brainwashed by (though I don’t want to use this word) partiarchy that we don’t even think about it? Even more so, when I gave my list of ‘Queer Anthems,’ people who I regard as truly breaking the boundaries in their medium, I realized almost all of the mainstream artists I was listing were male, and the one woman whom I listed (Gwen Stefani) has since completely sold out to the only marketable choice for females in mainstream media (looks, product placement/design, and sex).

This thought stream is culminating in the e-mail conversation I had with my professor (in November of last year). He upset me when I found that he does not in fact think out of the box, nor share my enthusiasm for the (hypothetical) questions I was proposing. He fed me bs on how women don’t “stoop” to controversial topics – when what I was precisely saying is that they are not ALLOWED to, which means we do/can not have such a representation of female artists to accept. All I could do was agree and thank him for his time – but maybe y’all have some food for thought on the matter to satisfy my hunger:

On Thu, Nov 8, 2007 at 4:21 PM, Evelyn * <shesonit@gmail.com> wrote:
Have you listened to the songs yet?
Here is the conclusion I came to:

Society is still too patriarchal to appreciate:
1. Woman making an Eminem-style song about killing a man (re: KIM)
2. What about a woman who gay bashes? —> point about Eminem gay
bashing in many of his songs, then public performance where Elton John
sings in his song and they hold hands (with a look of seriousness) on
national television – Elton is agreeing that Marshall Mathers is
playing a character (Eminem) relevant to the faults of our society (to
prove an artistic/political point). Acceptance from Elton means Eminem
is redeemed.

Thesis point (of this rant):
Eminem is redeemed for everything he says because he is coming out as
a character, but at the same time HE IS STILL ALLOWED TO SAY IT, get a
record contract and sell millions – whereas a woman coming out with
the same thing would probably be seen as feminist crap and would only
get limited underground exposure, never mainstream (this is totally
coming out of guestimating/common sense, I would be interested in
researching how this stereotype is/can be broken).

The closest I know of would have to be Peaches! Do you like her?

- Evelyn Shaller-Auslander

On 11/8/07, jeff packman <mus110packman@gmail.com> wrote:
> Hi Evelyn:
>
> It seems we have touched a nerve here. No, I haven’t listened to the
> songs yet although I am familiar with some of them (e.g., Eminem). I
> am also not aware of Peaches, although my curiosity is piqued. Most
> importantly, I think that you are right in asserting a double standard
> for what it is acceptable for men to say versus women. There is little
> doubt of this in my mind and I see it in action all of the time.
>
> One point I would raise, however, is that perhaps it is acutally
> better for feminist causes (and really, everyone) that women generally
> don’t stoop to gay bashing or serious threats of violence (against
> men, women, racial others etc). I think that part of what is so
> effective about “Earl” is that it is a good, intelligent, and funny
> song. Writing a piece of music such as this is very hard to do and I
> think the payoff is so much more. Often I find that just being
> gratuitously violent, misogynistic, homophobic etc., with a musical
> text is, in many cases, just a cop out for lack of ability to do
> something more interesting. Further, I think that such tactics are
> little more than ploys to create a sensation and make a few bucks on
> the controversy. Obviously, gratuitious anything is in the ears of
> the beholder, but I think the fact that women generally can take the
> high road in these matters in comparison with their male counterparts
> says a lot about the misguidedness of ongoing gender (and other forms
> of) inequality.
>
> Just my two or three cents.
>
> JP

On Thu, Nov 8, 2007 at 10:25 PM, Evelyn * <shesonit@gmail.com> wrote:

I totally agree. Thanks for the input!

- Evelyn

> On 11/8/07, Evelyn * <shesonit@gmail.com> wrote:
> > Oops, one more thought to clear up my babbling in the previous e-mail:
> >
> > I guess what I am trying to say by bringing up the Eminem controversy, is:
> > – Would a women in today’s age be able to come out with a blatant,
> > nasty, violent song about killing men, rather than using humour (as
> > the Dixie Chicks did)?
> >
> > – Evelyn
> >
>

On 11/8/07, jeff packman <mus110packman@gmail.com> wrote:
> Hi Evelyn:
>
> You raise a very good question and the only answer I can give is I
> don’t know. I think that these days, no matter who releases such a
> song, there will be some kind of reaction/outcry. The fact that such
> a song is performed by a woman, however, would (I think) stimulate
> debate in a different way than if it were a man. I think a lot would
> also depend on genre and the “normative” place of violence and its
> representation as well as the typical representation of gender roles.
>
> I’m afraid that that is not much in the way of a concrete answer–and
> I don’t think I can or should try to give you one. I do think the
> fact that you are considering music in such terms is excellent and I
> encourage you to keep it up. There might be a larger project in
> there…music, women, and representations of violence or something
> like that.
>
> Best,
> Dr. Packman
>
>
>

Posted by emokid2625.

Dykes to Watch Out For

I was in BMV the other week when I stumbled upon two volumes of the lesbian-themed 90s comic-strip, “Dykes to Watch Out For” by Alison Bechdel for the low, low price of $2.99. A sucker for anything lesbian-themed, I scooped them up and proceeded to devour their contents. The cartoons were cute but way too corny. Even though I personally have a soft spot for them, I don’t feel like I can recommend the comics to anyone because they really aren’t that good.

This is really hard for me to admit because I tend to have really low standards for anything cultural that happens to be connected to lesbianism. I think I may have a problem but I also know that I’m not alone. A certain post from a few weeks back pertaining to lesbian musical preferences comes to mind… Maybe it’s time to start a support group.

But then again, maybe not. Is it so bad to like something just because it happens to reflect your identity in a world where said identity is usually not addressed? And then there’s always the old argument that there is nothing wrong with liking something as long as the human rights of others are not being infringed upon. Basically, there are worse crimes against humanity than the production of mediocre lesbian comic books.

——

Interestingly, “Dykes to Watch Out For” brought up the issue of lesbian safe sex, which I wrote about some time ago. The mention wasn’t sexy or particularly informative, but it was a nice gesture when one considers that the comic was written when the issue of AIDS was just coming to the forefront of the gay consciousness.

Posted by sexyangel69.